Climatising
by Nyssa Jayne
An Australian Winter, 1997
"Taylor, you're not listening!" I looked up to see a Manager talking to me. "Pay attention."
"I'm trying," I yawned. "I'm just so tired."
"It's not going to do you any good if you don't listen." He kept talking and I kept trying to understand what he was saying.
I'd been tired ever since the plane had landed in Sydney. I'd done everything by the book to beat jetlagg and the long days working as the band, but I still couldn't wake up properly.
"It's so cold out there!" shivered Isaac, stepping into the hotel room. I was sitting on the bed, trying to resist laying down and falling asleep. "It's summertime back home in the States," he sighed. "I think I'm really noticing the temperature drop."
"I'm not," I said with a yawn. "I get to wear my red cord jacket for another season." Isaac sat next to me on the bed.
"I don't think you're listening to yourself," he said. "How do you feel?"
"Tired."
"Why?"
"I don't know, we've been working hard, travelling heaps..."
"Have you felt this tired before?"
"No..."
"Are you cold?" I thought about it.
Out the window, there was an overcast sky; the sun didn't even want to wake up today. If we were back home, there'd be cold drinks, chasing girls with water pistols, sunshine and good times. Here, I was too tired to even help Zac throw water bombs at the fans.
"A little bit," I answered. Isaac threw a pillow at me.
"It's only a quick fix. You'll have to find your own solution."
Later that day, a photographer asked if we wanted our photo taken inside or outside. A little bit of sunshine peeking through the clouds persauded me to say the photo should be taken outside.
An American Summer, 2002
Natalie leaned over and smacked me. It should've shocked me more, but it wasn't the first time she'd done it, and I was too tired to care.
"You never listen to me!" she cried.
"Yes I do."
"What did I just say?" I drew a blank. "See?" She stormed off on me, yelling behind her, "Not that you'll hear this, but I'm pregnant."
The words gave me a start. I'm pregnant. I couldn't comprehend what they meant.
Natalie went around and turned all the fans on before she went to bed, so by the time I got up the guts to join her, everything felt so cold. I placed my head as close as I could to her so that I could hear her breathe.
"Natalie..." I whispered.
"... What?"
"What's wrong?" She sighed.
"I'm tired. Tired of fighting and feeling sick and this part-time relationship, part-time war we have." My eyes shut for a quick moment. "Bored?"
"Tired," I corrected.
"Why?"
"I don't know, I guess the delay of the new record and all that..."
"Taylor, you've been a musician too long for that to be an excuse." She rolled over and started to sleep, leaving me to think.
She's pregnant. I didn't even know if I loved Natalie, I definitely wasn't sure if I could love a baby as well.
Some Months Later
Natalie laid back on the bed, looking at the screen through eyes that were nearly closed.
"And there is your baby's heart," the doctor pointed out.
"Taylor, can you see?" I squinted my eyes and looked hard at the screen. It all seemed like blurry black and white marks to me.
"Uhhh... I think so," I mumbled. The doctor smirked, he knew I had no clue. He probably knew I didn't want to be here and that the only reason why I came was because I had a doctor's appointment in the same building as to get at least a quick fix to keep me awake. But, he didn't say anything, instead he just cleaned Natalie up and left to fix some photos and a receipt.
I went over and sat with Natalie. I went to open my mouth, but she cut me off.
"Shhh... listen." She lifted her top and gestured to me to place my ear against her stomach. Warily, I did so, not sure what to expect.
After a moment of pure concentration, I could hear a soft rhythm. Ba-boom, ba-boom...
"A heartbeat," I breathed. Natalie nodded. It sounded like the beat to a love song.
"My- ... our baby," I realised. Natalie's eyes opened all the way.
"You're right...!"
I couldn't sleep that night. Not that I minded, I got to stay up with Natalie and make love because we were no longer too tired.