“ Inside Nanda’s Mind “
First of all, I know that most of you must already know my whole life and who I am but just in case you missed something, or in case we have never met before, then, I will add here some life history of mine. I hope that once you got to know me a little better you will be able to understand why I made this website and why I mention certain things here, because in the end it is all about what is ‘Inside Nanda’s Mind’!!!
I was born on January 28th in 1983 (yes a
true Aquarian) in
There, I had freedom to go to school, to play on the streets with my friends, to go to the club to swim and play handball, to go visiting my friends, and every thing else I wanted to do on my own, without having to worry much with violence and all those other things we worried when we lived in one of the largest cities of the world (Sao Paulo).
I do not know if I had stayed in
At the age of fourteen I became a Hanson fan and along with that, I did not only became foolish and spent my free time on spending my parents money with worthless things like buying magazines, merchandise, fan club submissions, internet (to be virtually connected with the Fan community), sound and video equipment to record songs and TV shows with my favourite band on it, and so on. No! In fact I did much more than any other non fan person could have ever imagined of doing. I made new friends (yes real ones), I found out what I was capable of doing and I learned how to go for my dreams. Guess that up until that time I did not know much of life, dreams and how hard it would be to make every one around me believe and support me for whatever I might have wanted, even if that sounded the craziest thing in the world (And well, I guess that being a bit obsessed at the time did not help me much to improve the image I had when I was serious about a goal!!!) .
Being a Hanson fan made me acquire so much more than a Cd or a new video
on Mtv. I acquired knowledge, I learned with every single little thing that was
Hanson related. In my imagination I travelled the world with them getting to
know every single fact of a place they had visited, I immersed myself in
English and American culture, so much that in 2 years I was speaking English
fluently and was more than ever obsessed about living in the USA ( I might add I must have gotten this obsession with my
uncle in our long time conversations when I lived in Sao Paulo and had no
conscience at all about Hanson’s existence. Although I would always hear during
my teens and many years later that Hanson and
This way I can surely say that there was a Nanda before Hanson and another after. I do not know and I could not ever imagine how my life would have been without Hanson. I probably would have done fine, I would have gone with more difficulty to find out what I wanted to be and study, I would not have as many important memories and experiences that could have affected me spiritually and mentally, saying that I would probably be much weaker and would not have been able to find my own way through the crowd. But after all, I guess I would have survived just like most people do. That is what they do: they just survive.
I certainly have not only survived, I loved, I had a wish, I had a lesson about how to live passionately, I suffered but still I compromised, and in the end I know I did the best I could have done and I was able to achieve what I first wished for enjoying the simplest things of life.
In 2000, business was not going that well for my
family and keeping in mind that in the next year I would be leaving home to
attend University, once again, at the age of seventeen I moved out along with
my family to a slight bigger city in
There I finished the last months of high school and successfully passed
the test to enrol Maringa’s State
University at a very nice and high classification. I should say that most
Right at the beginning of the Year Course, I had the opportunity to enrol in the Aupair program: an intercultural exchange program which consisted in young girls from all over the world with a certain level of education that would be interested in spending one year with an American family receiving board and room, college courses paid and transportation while she would have to baby-sit for the family at a maximum of 45 hours per week. Knowing that I would have done anything to achieve my greatest dream I did not only think once and grabbed this opportunity with all my might. Guess is useless to say that in the next coming months I had to go through all the process to fulfil the Aupair Program’s need. I had a big hand from my dad with driving lessons and was able to enrol and pass my driving test right when I had turned 18. Everyday for during two months I would go to a childcare place as a volunteer so that I could fulfil the hours and experience with child that was needed (Believe it or not, until that time I had no wish to deal with little kids and was completed uncomfortable around them.).
English and psychological tests, criminal file, files from college and high school, visa application, letter to my host family, pictures etc… It was a very selective process which took a lot of time and brought me a lot of flutter in the heart every time I stepped forward. Meetings with ex aupairs and the thought of a dream becoming reality was all I lived on that year. Needless to mention that although I was still enjoying every moment of my university status and new lifestyle becoming more and more of an adult than a adolescent, I did not take college as serious as I would have done if I knew I was going to stay and finish the course.
My decision (much influenced by mom) was to go for a year in the
On January of 2002 I was finally letting myself free of my childish way of living when I got on that airplane at that night. Only now I see why I started to cry as badly when I said goodbye to my mom on the airport: I was not only saying goodbye because we were not going to see each other in the next 13 months, but because on that night I was letting behind Nanda the little girl, the one who lived with her parents needing them for everything. I was stepping in another life, in a far away country with another culture and language (for my choice of course) and for the first time in my life I was alone deciding for myself. It is not like I was completely alone though, I had always my family in my mind and in my heart but I was just there with nobody else around to comfort me and to tell me what to do. So that night, those tears were tears of goodbye for I was changing from a state of spirit that was now evolving, and at the same time were tears of happiness for I was fulfilling my biggest dream.
Mr. Fate once more made
everything right so that I could have met the right people at the right place
at a right time, this time, in
While I was living in the
I had a very difficult time
trying to re-adapt myself into my own culture (See, I had even forgotten my own
language: Portuguese). I was really homesick like I was never before but
luckily I was able to listen to a very simple, true and deep advice from a
person I estimate so much (my English teacher Jennifer). Quoting her ‘all you
want/need me to do is to repeat what you have already decided in your heart so
that you will know you are not wrong of doing it. You already know what you
want!’. She was so right, although I seemed quite lost
not knowing what to do, in my heart I had already decided what I wanted to go
for. After talking to my parents on the phone and having convinced my brother
who lived with me in our house in
It took us as quite as seven months but finally on
October of 2003 my brother and I were arriving at the
Sad things happened too, some big changes to our lives, like my parents divorce in 2004. But in the end I guess that all those things were not that bad at all, at least not when we all have learned how to deal with life and its changes. Most of times changing scars us. It is a normal thing being scared of the unknown but once you get there is not that scary anymore and things become just as normal as if nothing had never changed and you feel a bit stupid for being scared of something that in the end was that simple.
Guess that it all depends on how we see life and let time heal our wounds patiently, knowing that one day only scars will be seem and the pain will be gone away.
At the end of 2005, dad returns to
On January of 2006 my father returns to
Only in 2007, my brother and I get our italian citizenship being able to go on with our lives and
our plans. This year was a year of peace and quiet and reflection. The major
thing was the big change in my job where I was offered a place in the office in
the new building where we transferred the Headquarters. That was also when I
realized that no matter what I’d have done things would never change in south
In 2008 I get my heart broken again and realize, one
more time, that in that town I’d never find love, friendship or a nice job so I
finally pick up my mind and decide to move to Turin after reflecting for a
couple of months about the person I had become with no life at all and in
complete depression. In June I rent my apartment in
On August me and my brother depart to the
New Year’s Eve of 2009 start way better than most years but still I know it’s a big year to make big decisions… let’s see how everything goes.
Obviously this biography comes to and end since I have not gone further in the years, but I am certainly sure that I will still have many more and greater things to accomplish and tell in life. I am not naïve to think that only good moments will come. I know that pain is necessary for our spiritual improvement. I just hope, and I am sure I will try my best, to keep seeing life the same way I see it now, wishing that I will not be alone on the walk and that my loved ones will walk just right beside me until the end and if not next to me, at least in the same direction!
So, see you on the long road of life…